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Each trip to hospital for chemo, I hang photos on my hospital room wall for inspiration and to escape my room…. just a few of them below:

Ironman Lake Taupo New Zealand 2007

Ironman 2007

My favourite beach in the Coromandel, New Zealand

The pool in Fiji - Musket Cover where I trained on holiday 2006

The pool in Fiji - Musket Cove where I trained on holiday 2006

Sunset at Musket Cove, Fiji in 2006

Sunset at Musket Cove, Fiji in 2006

Cleaning Frenzy

Yesterday, I blew $170 odd dollars on food.  The other thing I am finding I need “pick food”  small stuff, but lots

something like I had

something like I had

– something like crackers or biscuits – I can not just take a little but keep going back for more, and more! Including small cheeses, olives etc..

This chemo trip is one weird trip  – your head pulses as well……….. and temperature change – one minute I have a cap on, the next I have a woolly hat on……… it is freaky.

I am also having this cleaning “attack / frenzy”  I have cleaned every article of clothing that has remotely hit the floor (have a pile of washing on a chair to fold tomorrow) , cleaned the kitchen floor tonight, spent 2+ hours today with a hose.

blasting away all the green moss in between the cobbles outside my steps and just being “anal” about it (still need to finish this too by the way, it is still nagging at me that I could not complete it, but I was so tired and hadn’t eaten, I was doing more damage to myself than good as well as being in the sun which is a big “no, no” having chemo).

I then spent the following week water blasting the fence along the driveway to my house. Staring at this ugly blackish fence was annoying the heck out of me and decided to clean this as well ! I can now wave to Tracey in her house in the mornings (the one with the car parked in the driveway) when she is in the kitchen making breakfast letting her know I am o.k. and look at a nice clean fence while I am having my cup of tea.

Before I cleaned it below

A week later all cleaned !

My cleaning mode continued. Next I cleaned my concrete deck and you will have to trust me it was just as grubby as that wooden fence above and here it is all nice and clean :

Food

That’s the other thing, I am finding that I do not care what the cost of the steak is (talking food now) I will buy it.  Saturday night I was dying for a steak, I stopped by New World and picked out the best steak and I didn’t care how much it was ! I then got broccoli, carrots and new small potatoes. Job done. $22.16, 4 scotch fillet steaks and veg.  Cheaper than Dial a Dino’s and 10 times the quality.

If it is the best, highest quality of steak or fish, I buy it.  I am no longer interested in the “average joe” of food out there.  It has to be supreme quality to pass my lips and this includes coffee now.  I just can not tolerate instant coffee anymore…. it leaves the most ghastly metallic taste in my mouth (chemo issues) and fortunately this is the only thing I come to a slamming halt with.  Most other food is o.k. as long as it is quality.  Tried the Cranberry, V8’s high nutrition stuff, and god, just could not go there ! it tasted so awful for me – more chemo issues.

Some Normality

Well thank god I have no more wires and needles sticking out of me.  The last needle came out this morning.  I had this intravenous line pumping anti-nausea fluid direct into my chest since Wednesday – simply god awful.  It has been sht.  basically.  However, today/this afternoon, I have been great.  This is meant to be a bad week this week.  I haven’t drunk much water today, so I think I will suffer big time nausea in the morning…….. wonder if these pills will work……. anyway, it is situation normal to wake up feeling like sht, so don’t know why I think I will feel good?????

In hospital during chemo 2007 2nd cycle

In hospital during chemo 2007 2nd cycle

God  when I feel good, I feel like screaming it to the world.  Promise that you won’t take “feeling o.k.” for granted 🙂  It is a gift and is priceless.

I am lifting myself through the dregs of the morning with two cup of tea to get me to some normality and boosting this with some Gravity Plunger coffee I got shopping yesterday.

It is now 7.15  Saturday  morning and I am fighting nausea – yesterday I took a top up of more anti nausea pills – I wonder if I should again – mmm might not be wise as I am on quite a high dosage through this pump and I get it out tomorrow and will have to be reducing this down by oral tablets, so may as well start the agony today.  Have just had a cup of tea to pick me up a bit, and staring out my windows, gave my neighbor Tracey a wave and looked at all the jobs in my garden to take my mind of things.

Brad & Tracey’s Place (in front of car) 

I might go and buy some liver today to make a stir fry – as this must help my white cells with extra help.

Yip, becoming seriously bald now – folks say I have a nice shaped skull which is kind, but to me I feel plain ugly.  I have that wig, but it still isn’t very comfortable.yet.  Also, all my clothes are getting hair in them and washing them just doesn’t get you an itch free” shirt anymore – god, it is shit.  I think, I am gona end up throwing away all my clothes at the end of this as I am not comfortable anymore wearing my clothes, or I might have to go to the opp shop and buy 7 $1 tops/shirts a week and then throw them away.  I am just in a frustrated horrible state at the moment.

God, I have to say, I lived through hell and back on Wednesday.  Pure savagery in a nutshell.  it started at 6.30am and needed continual anti-nausea medication.  It got so bad, that I had to have a sub-pump.  Now, this critter is the evil b*******d that got me on Wednesday.  Because I was so sick, they had to put a direct line into me with a cocktail of anti-nausea, and I saw this god dam needle and where the nurse was putting it – in my chest by the mid chest line of a v-neck top, where it is all skinny and ribby.  I requested Emla Gel which is a topical anesthetic.  She then basically mentioned, it’s not that bad (basically she was not there to stuff around and meant business) and of course, I thought “yeah right, it is gona hurt like sht”) .  This was “the stick that broke the camels back”.  I just broke down, it hurt like hell, and traumatised the hell out of me.  The day just got worse as by the end of the day I was finishing my chemo, and they flush your veins and lines out with a saline/potassium solution and this stung like hell in the last hour or so (for some weird reason as the bag was a 6 hour consumption time) .  Compounded by all this, I have god awful veins.  They are just pathetic.  I have to put them under hot running water for 20m for them to pop up and then they are still a struggle to have a line put in for chemo.

By 8.30pm that night, I had, had enough.  I was so pst off and hated the world.  I figured, I have to get control and shake this.  My only thought was to get the hell up, stop lying down and meet this head on.  So, I put my trainers on, grabbed a blanket and made a toga, and off I went, armed with a bottle of water.  For the next hour, I marched up and down that ward, and met a couple of true characters in their 50’s and one of them was giving a nurse a good humorous “curry up” – it is amazing all the different personalities of folk in this ward – this bloke was wearing a Ministry of Works t.shirt, and he looked like he could have a good story to tell over a beer or so !  However, I was on my mission, so didn’t really kick back the night with him, and continued on, up and down, back and forth.  By about 9.40pm I figured I had walked at least a few k’s and decided this would do.  I figured, this had to get the blood moving, the enzymes working the muscles working to get the system into some normality for the new day ahead – it just had to have achieved something.  If nothing else, I met two interesting codgers and got out of my room.

Unbeknown to me, my blood count was terribly low, at around 88% (white and red cell count I think) which was making my life crap and wasn’t strong enough for my body to cope with all that was being thrown my way by the chemo.

I found this all out the next day by my Doctor (the 2.i.c to my Oncologist) and she said if my blood count wasn’t up today (Thursday) I would have to have a blood transfusion.  My brain instantly went to “more injections” and wanted to run at “warp speed” in the opposite direction !  I then accepted this outcome, however she said she would wait for the blood results.

Well, hallelujah !!! my counts were up in the 90’s and then I got the four magic words “you can go home”, which then lifted me no end.  I look a fright with swollen eyes and a ghastly round puffy face…

I am now home, and emulating a cat 🙂  I have been lying down all afternoon chatting away on MSN to friends and doing e.mails 🙂

I am now contemplating to cook dinner……. it might be a steak stir fry with that Watties Sauce mixture.

Hey, my tumor is definitely going down, I am sure it is not so raised on my wrist like it was.  So I can report progress here.  I am also booked in with my Orthopedic surgeon on the 5th April for a consult to discuss this awesome extraction of my tumor, replacing my bone and fusing my wrist, which will be so darn interesting.  My Sister will be with me to sit in so she can ask questions I wouldn’t think of and can also remember this whole consult so afterwards I can re-affirm what was said.

My Wig

Hey !!!  I just have the funkiest wig  – It is lot shorter around the ears and neck and hugs the back of my skull.  It is dark brown with auburn /red highlights.  My hair is itchy as at the moment, so when that crap goes away I will be wearing it more.  Gosh they cost mega bucks!  well my argument it is 1.5 visits to the hairdresser (i spent more than my allocated grant……. yeah, typical female mate,,, l.o.l)  Here i am all glammed up with my good friend Barbara Lee ready for a Beach Party!